I don’t think the angst can be put down to a lack of sugar or an increase in workload.
I think maybe it’s down to a complete lack of faith in the human race. Seriously, so many things can happen, or not happen, and you just question, not only the point in you but the point in everyone else.
So the whole thing sounds quite emo.
But that’s fine, emo is good. I wonder if maybe a lot of my misery is down to the fact I have no faith in anything whatsoever, no faith in God or the divine or in people. If all of these factors of faith are nonexistent and you aren’t happy then what purpose are you serving.
I don’t care about the meaning of life.
That question is like, aaaages old, no one cares about the meaning. After all the meaning, the definition..Blah… that is what you make it, not what it is. But purpose. Now that is a question. If you do not live to serve and you don’t live to be happy then why?
Now to take that massive thing and scale it down to a more interestingly trivial size its just that people are crap.
I’ve got friends who can’t be bothered to make an effort, I’ve got friends who want to move ‘up’ in life and there are people who are the most two faced bitches ever. And that goes for boys too.
I feel like I’m in this massive bubble just looking out at everyone, making all these plans for them and going through all the steps and just not actually feeling any of it. I want to live. I want to travel and just leave and just go and not belong anywhere and be free.
I’m having a window moment. Where I want to jump out my window and not fall. To just fly out and fly forever in that twilight time. You know that time where its not quite dark but it isn't light either. That sundown moment where the sun isnt there but the light still is. That time. And just float forever.
Gyeh, I think it is my peter pan complex coming through. I’m 18 in October. That means I’m an adult. And I’m not a child anymore. But I don’t think I’ve been a child for a long time.
And that upsets me a little.